First Story

This is my first story. Posted this on writing.com if anyone read it on there before. Just trying to get different people point of views about the story. If you see any grammer mistakes that i missed, that would be helpful if you point them out. Like i said its my first story and its called "silentwolf's story". Hope you enjoy.



Chapter 1
The start

Dear readers, what you are reading now are notes about my past. I never did get a chance to write anything down back than. Well, come to think of it, I never even thought about writing my history down. I don't remember much about what I said or seen. I can tell you the story of what I do remember. I was on the run from an organization that wants me dead for not following their orders... Wait that's a bit too far, I better go back to the day that changed my life forever. I was just 6 years old when it all started. I went home after school, hoping to be welcomed in the arms of my family, but what I found was my family dead. No one knew how they died or when. All I knew was that I wanted revenge, no matter the cost. A strange man, dressed in a black suit, came up to me. He said he could help me achieve the revenge I desired. I said “yes” to his offer before I thought it over. The rage boiled in my blood at the sight of my family being murdered. For this, I was willing to do anything to get vengeance for them. He took me to his car and when I slipped in, he took out a can of sleeping gas. He put a mask over his mouth and nose quickly. He threw the can down before it busted into a cloud that swirled me and in seconds, I was out cold.

I woke up, in what seemed to me as moments later. I was in a completely different room with these weird white clothes on. I saw a piece of paper at the end of the bed that I was on. I decide to read it and see what it said. I could possibly find out where I was being held at. I read the paper and it told me today's scheduled training exercises. Today's date was also on the paper. It was now 2 days after my parent’s mysterious death. I had no idea where I was, but all I knew is that I wanted out of here so that I could find out who killed them. Just as I put down the paper, and was about to find a way to break out, the same man from the car came in the room.

The mystery man said "My name is John and we will be spending a lot of time together, now what do you want your new name to be?" I said “What do you mean by what do I want my new name to be?" John said "We can't use your old name because than people will find you and place you in an orphanage. If this happens, you could not train for your revenge." I said "Well I would like to be called “Silentwolf” if that's alright with you?” What do you mean by training?!" My eyes widened. John said, "Well if you want revenge for your family’s death Silentwolf, you need to learn to fight correctly." I said "Fine then. When do we start? I want to get done fast so I can get out of here and find my family’s killer." John said "I was hoping you’d say something like that. By the way, we already know who killed your family. That's why we are training you. This way you can have the pleasure of killing them yourself. Now if you follow me to the training rooms we will get started." Hearing that, I charged at him. I grabbed him and started hitting him. I wanted more information about them. He just looked at me and smiled. Then he grabbed me by my collar and threw me at the bed. John said “Save your anger for the training that is coming.” After I calmed down a bit, I decided to follow him. He took me through many hallways with twists and turns. None of the rooms we passed where labeled or numbered. He soon stopped and opened a door. He pushed me inside. As I stumbled in I heard a slam behind me. I turned around and tried to open the door. The doorknob broke off and rolled across the floor. I slumped to the floor and put my back against the door. As I sat there, I looked around the room. It was enormous and filled with unusual gadgets. There were also two people in lab coats with these tinted masks on.

They started walking towards me saying “Everything will be fine, just come with us.” One thing I felt for sure is that everything was not going to be fine. They each grabbed my arms and dragged me to the other end of the giant room. I struggled, but it was useless. I was could not get out of their strong grasp. They forced me into a chair and strapped me to it. I continued struggling. They said “The more you struggle, the more painful it will be, but the less you struggle the less painful it will be.” I was able to slip a foot out of one of the straps. I kicked one of them in the leg with all I could. I heard this big crack sound and felt pain in my foot. The person I kicked chuckled. He said “Man this kid will put up a fight to very end.” The other doctor said “Yes he is putting up a strong fight. He will surely help our cause and get his revenge in no time. He needs to learn to work with us so that we can help him. “It is time for the sleeping gas for this fighter.” I struggled even more knowing this was going to happen again. I thrashed around trying to not let them put a mask on me for the sleeping gas. One of them held me still while the other placed the mask over my face. I failed to stop them. The room and doctors were going black and the last thing I heard was their laughing in the background.

I woke up with my arm in a lot of pain. There were patches all over my arm. I was still strapped in a chair, but it was different from the other one. I looked around the room and was shocked at what I saw. There were other kids, of various ages, in the room. Some were strapped to chairs like me, while others were just sitting there. Nothing is stopping them from running away, yet they just sit there. My face was partly covered and I could not speak. All I could do is sit and listen. Everyone was facing toward the front of the room. I noticed that John was setting up a projector. A white screen rolled down and a menu for something showed up on it. I could not read what it said from where I was sitting. A group of people in lab coats and masks went up to John. All of them were talking among themselves and looking at the screen. I also looked at the screen and saw all sorts of graphs and numbers. I could not figure out what was going on. Just as I was trying to make sense of the graph, a scream broke the silence around the room. A girl that was strapped in a chair fell over and was screaming. She looked like she was in a lot of pain. John and the other doctors ran towards her. They tried to figure out what was wrong. She continued kicking and screaming. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the sound. All of a sudden I heard dead silence and I thought I really did it. I looked towards the girl again and saw her lifeless body. I am certain that those doctors had something to do with the pain that girl was feeling and now.

I decided to try and listen in as they were talking. John said “The tests on the girl failed.” One of the doctors said “Yes, so we can delete her information and act like she never was here.” John said “No one will miss her because her family is dead and she was a no-body”. “Keep an eye on the other test subjects and get them ready for the next set of injections.” As I thought to myself, Injections?! So that is what they probably did to me while I was knocked out. My foot is no longer in pain either. I thought I broke it when I kicked that other doctor. I’m not sure if they really are going to help me get my revenge now. I think I’m just an expendable test subject like everyone else here. Wait, how did I just think of that? Could it be a side effect from the injections that they been doing to me? I need to find out more information if I want to find out the truth. I heard John again, John said “Ok put the rest of them to sleep and do the final set of injections and wait a week to see who survives.” Survives?! My choice in following John has turned into a nightmare. The doctors were putting masks on all of the kids. One by one I saw heads falling. A doctor came and put the mask on. I started to see blackness again.

I awoke in the original room and I was wearing the same white clothes. The only difference was that I was strapped down with needles in my arm. I saw a few cords running to a sort of IV looking thing. A doctor came in the room and was startled to see me awake. The doctor said “Well, looks like your body is recovering much quicker from the sleeping gas. I will make note of this for sure. By now I’m pretty sure you noticed some sort of changes about yourself?” I said “Just that I’m thinking of things I never knew of. What are you doing to me and everyone else in this place?” The doctor said “I can tell what is happening to you, but the others I’m not so sure of. All I’ve been doing to you is injecting some never before seen drugs into your system to enhance some abilities of yours. Everyone reacts differently, so that is why I said I’m not so sure about the others. Those that live through them will be trained on fighting. This is all to help you get revenge on those that killed your family.” I said “I’ll take your word for that.” I never did believe him about helping me get revenge. I am pretty sure we are all just test subjects that no one would miss if anything happens to us. “Time for you to go back sleep, said the doctor. It will help the drugs to take better affect.” He reached over and grabbed a mask with a tube attached to it and placed it on my face. I already knew this feeling. I am really starting to hate this place when it comes to sleeping gas. Everything started to fade to blackness again.

Chapter 2
New Gifts


I knew I was out cold but I was still able to think to myself and hear some things. Now I have to get things straight in my mind so I know to plan for the revenge I want. First of all, I’m getting nowhere if I’m being put asleep all the time. So I need to avoid that at all costs. The doctor said I was waking up faster after every time they do that to me. So maybe it will not be able to affect me anymore after a while. I also need to find out more about this place. Like what is the real purpose of it? Also how long have they been doing this testing, as they call it? I also wonder if they really do know who killed my family. I need to get some information. First I need to complete my training so I can defend myself if I get caught.

I woke up before the new injections took effect, so they keep putting me back asleep. This time when I woke up all that stuff was gone. I found more patches on my arm and I noticed another paper at the end of the bed. It’s been 5 weeks now since parents died, at least that is what the date says on the paper. Feels like I’ve been stuck here for all my life but I knew that was not true. All those memories with friends and family were true, weren’t they? I heard a knock on the door and John came in.

John said “Well looks like you made it to the training stage. Not everyone could be helped.” I held back from what I was thinking about saying and instead I said “Well that’s a shame. Less people to worry about I guess.” I needed to earn his trust, like I was one of them. Than I can get to the information I desire. John said “Well looks like you are a fast learner. Good. Keep acting like that and don’t ask questions and you will get far here.” I said “I will do anything to get the revenge I desire. When do we start training anyway?” John said “Follow me and we will start. Also I notice you gotten a lot smarter after those drugs we injected into you. I wonder what other side effects they gave you.” I said “You and me both. I wonder about that as well. Let’s just get the training over with. I’m tired of waiting.”

We walked down a few hallways. As we were walking John said “You will be training with an instructor and other students.” I said “Sounds like fun. I can’t wait to start it so I can finish and achieve my goal.”
After the twists and turns of all these endless looking hallways, we finally stopped and opened a door. I walked in on my own and once again the door slammed shut behind me. There were panting and punching sounds. No one talked. Everyone was just focusing on whatever they were doing. The trainer had a whistle, clipboard, and a pencil. He put his head up and looked at me. He pointed at a punching bag with instructions on the wall. I walked up to it and read the instructions. Pretty simple, just punch the bag. I tested on how hard it was with a small tap. It flew back a little and swung right back into place. The instructor walked over and angrily pointed at the instructions. I looked the part he pointed at. It said to hit it with all your strength. I gave him a nod and he walked back to the middle of the room. I swung with all the force I could give it. Upon impact with the bag, I felt a lot of pain in my hand. I felt a big vibration, with a loud sound. I looked at the ground, while holding my hand, and saw the punching bag lying there. A dent, in the side of the bag, was the size of my fist. I also noticed a pencil rolling across the floor. I turned and saw the trainer. His jaw had dropped. Nothing was in his hands. He was in shock. He reached into his pocket and brought out a control looking thing. He pushed a button on it. A red flashing light filled the room. I think I may have just caused a lot of trouble. I heard footsteps in the hallway. I saw John, with a person in a medical suit and mask, bust in the door. The trainer pointed at me and the punching bag. The medical person grabbed me and forced me out the door. John was following behind us. They put into a blue room with a bed and posters of the human body skeleton on the wall. There was also a weird looking machine next to the bed.

John said “Get him ready. We need to see if his hand or arm have been damaged and we need to see if any changes took place.” Doctor said “Ok, you kid…” I said “My name is Silentwolf” Doctor said “Fine, Silentwolf lay down on the bed so I can get you ready for some x-rays.” I lay down on the bed and they put a blanket thing over me. I held still. I was waiting for this to be over with. I moved my head and my eyes a bit to see what the doctor and John were doing. They were in another little room next door with a window between them. I could only see their mouths moving. I wonder what they are talking about. I noticed the doctor’s hand moving towards something out of view. A few seconds later I started hearing some sounds. The sounds did not last long. They came back into the room and the doctor removed the blanket.

They moved to another machine a few feet away, after the blanket thing was removed. They grabbed a few blackish papers, but it was hard for me to tell what they were. My sight was a bit blurry after whatever they did. I decided to listen in and watch. John said “Well, what is wrong with him?” Doctor said “He has broken most of his hand and arm bones.” Wow! I broke them, no wonder it hurts! John said “Well, can’t you fix it? He is a strong fighter. We may find his talents useful when it comes to breaking some wills of the other kids” Doctor said “Well, the science geeks are working on some new robotic technology. Its either they can replace his arm or he will be fighting with only one arm. Even if I do manage to repair it, his strength will just break it again. You’re going to need some strong materials to keep him from breaking it all the time.” John said “I will ask around to find out more about this robot stuff you told me about. Meanwhile you better end his pain by putting him asleep for a while. Who knows how long it will take to find this information and to build it for him.” The doctor just nodded and walked towards a cabinet on the wall. He brought out a mask attach to a canister of sleeping gas I’ll bet. Next time I join something, I’m going to get the facts about it and think first. I remained still because I knew if I struggled I would lose again. The room was going dark and the last thing I heard was a door closing with footsteps echoing in the hallway.

Chapter 3
The Training begins

All I could think about is what they are going to do to me. What is this project that they were talking about? Am I just going to be a one-armed kid now? All these questions I want to answers too, but I can’t get them. I need to wake up and get more information still. I don’t know how I woke up all those other times. Was it luck, or was it another ability that I gained from these injections? It could be due to my body becoming more immune to them, so I’m recovering faster. I can’t be sure of any of these ideas without proof. Guess I better just go with the flow for now. If things go for the worst, I can at least take a few of them with me or go into hiding, I hope. I kept on thinking about this for a while.

I woke up and notice my arm was still there. It feels and looks real. Guess I was just dreaming about it. The previous events felt and looked so real. I saw another piece of paper on the bed. I sat up a little bit and grabbed it. I ignored today’s events because so far they never really have applied to me. I was mainly looking for today’s date. I looked at it and noticed it was now four weeks after my parents’ death. Four weeks has already past and I have done basically nothing but get forced to do some tests. I really need to find out more information. There is a catch to this problem though. I have no idea where to begin looking for it! So far what I have noticed is that there are no labels for any of the rooms. How do they remember where everything is? They must have a map on them to know where they are going and plan ahead so we can’t see it.

I heard the door slowly open and I noticed John was there, once again, talking to someone. I could only hear mumbles. John walked the rest of the way in and closed the door. John said “Well you’re finally awake. How do you like your new arm? I’m pretty sure you’ve notice that it’s not real”. I replied “No I have not noticed. I thought it was a dream at first. What have you done to my arm?!” John said “Well, we could have probably fixed your real arm, but with your new improved strength we decided it would be best that we create a better arm for you. Don’t be alarmed by it. You see, if we did manage to repair your human arm it would have just been broken again the second you hit something. Instead we replaced your old arm with a new one. We built it with some new materials that only we have. You still can move it with like a regular arm. I suggest you don’t use your right arm for a while, at least until you have learned to control your strength.”

I was so shocked that I could not think of what to say. I just sat there waiting to wake up from this nightmare. I knew it was for the best, but I was still upset that my real arm no longer exists. John said “Well, we are going to help you control your strength. Once it is under control we can teach you some hidden surprises about your new arm. Now if you just follow me to another room we will begin.”
Follow me, he said. Right, I thought to myself! He grabbed me by my arm and forced me to go with him whether I wanted to or not. I could have struggled and hurt him, and maybe myself, but he had more experience when it came to fighting. He also has an army with gas canisters. He had a balance of brains and bronze. I only had some bronze and very little brains when it came to fighting. It is best to listen and to stay alive, for now.

The room we entered this time was made of metal. Seems like the same type equipment from the last room, just upgraded for my level of strength now. I noticed some other stuff in here as well. A chest was one such item that caught my eye. Why would that be needed in here? An instructor, wearing some sort of body armor that covered him from the chest down to his feet, was also in here. I saw no other kids around so I’m guessing that I’m one of a kind.

John said “This is Nicodemus and he will be your new instructor for a while. I am going to leave you two alone while I go get some other work done”. I heard the door slam and lock after he said that. I get closing the door, but why lock it? Nicodemus said “Well it’s time to test out what your arm can do. Let’s see how you can hit on the punching bag over there.” I walked over to it. I remembered what John said about using my left arm instead of my right. I did what I was told and used my left arm to hit it. There was a small dent in it as it waved back and forth. I looked at the instructor and notice he was writing everything down. He put the clipboard on a table and walked over to a wall. He put his hand on it. A green light was popping out from behind his hand. He backed up a few steps and the wall opened. He blocked my view from what was inside. He brought out a regular punching bag. How is that going to help when I will just break it like last time? I moved out of the way and watch him set it up to the right of the other punching bag. I took a quick look at the opening in the wall and saw that it had closed. There was a clock on the wall where the opening was originally. 2:36 is what it said.

Nicodemus said “Use your left arm on the one of the left, and lightly, at first, use your right arm on the other one. I have to see if we can strengthen up your other arm so you don’t have to replace the other arm too”. I hit the punching bags again like I was instructed. Once again I watch Nicodemus write more information down on the clipboard. He lifted his head up again. Nicodemus said “How is your arm feeling”? I said “I feel nothing with my left arm and I felt no pain from my right”. He wrote down a few more lines. Nicodemus said “Well I want you continue doing this to you start feeling unbearable pain in your right arm or till I say for you to stop. Whatever comes first, he said.” I did not disobey because there are secrets in this room and who knows what they are. I don’t want to get on their bad side either. I need to earn their trust so I can find out more information.

Nicodemus said “Stop. It’s time for you to have some food”. I took a look at the clock and it said 8:12. I do not know if it’s AM or PM. There are no windows in the rooms that I have been in. I have no idea whether it is light or dark outside. Nicodemus forced me out the door and down the endless hallways. He pushed me into a room with double doors that open and close, but never lock. Inside were many other kids sitting at tables. They had trays with some pizza on them. I saw a line up at another doorway at the other end of the room. I decided to get in this line and see where it went to. I assumed it was where I could grab some food. I waited in line for a short while until I was able to see the food inside. What I could see was some water bottles, pizza, and some sort of veggies. I waited in line watching one kid after another getting the same food. Every once in a while a kid got something to put in their water or something else besides veggies. It was my turn. I grabbed a tray and a water bottle to start with. When I got up to the pizza and veggies, I gave the ladies my tray. When they handed it back, it had pizza, veggies, and some milk instead of my water. I guess they have a list of who needs to have what food. How did they know who I was though? They never asked for my name and I know I have not seen them before. I did notice a small name tag imprinted on my shirt. I never noticed that before. It makes me wonder when they placed that there. Well, I guess that answers the question of how they know who I am.
I sat at a table with the other kids. A few kids were talking to each other at this table. I decided to be one of the “silent” kids here and eat some pizza. Just as I got done with a slice of pizza a kid asked “Hey Silentwolf, my name is Jacob. How is it going for you?” I said “Um… Hello Jacob. I’m ok I guess, how about you?” Jacob said “Awesome, your not one of the silent kids. I’m pretty well.” I said “Silent kids?” Jacob said “Yea, a lot of kids are very silent and won’t talk. So it’s hard for everyone to know each other because of that.” I said “Well that’s very interesting to know. I wonder why everyone is so silent. I would like to talk some more Jacob but I want to finish my food for now.” Jacob said “Ok that’s fine. I can understand that. One last question though, how old are you?” I said “I’m 6 years old almost 7. How old are you?” Jacob said “I’m 10 years old. You act like you are older than that.” I said “Thanks, I think.” I started to eat the rest of my food. The veggies tasted weird but food is food at this point.

When I finished I looked around the room. I noticed where all the other trays were being placed. I got up with my tray and walked over there. When I got there John was standing there. I put my tray in the pile. John said “Ok Silentwolf, come with me.” He grabbed me on the arm and he forced to come with him. Even when it seems like I have a choice I never really do. I looked at the other kids as I was being pulled out of here. I saw Jacob waving goodbye. I waved back with a sad look on my face. I never did finish that chat with him.

He took me down some different hallways this time. These rooms had numbers on them. 8569 was the room he forced me into. John said “This is where you’re going to be sleeping from now on. So might as well get used to the number on the door and memorize it so you can find it yourself. If we catch you not in this room, you will be punished. Do I make myself clear on that?” I said “Yes.” John said “Good, now go to sleep. You’ll have a lot more training to do from now on as well.” He exited the room and locked the door from the outside. I sat on my bed looking around. I saw a ventilation shaft on the wall. There was nothing else in the room besides that, a light, and the bed I’m on. I wonder why the walls are white in here though. It’s starting to scare me a bit. No way to tell what’s going on outside this room. I wish there was clock or a window so I can get an idea what time it is. I better put my mind at ease for now and get some sleep. I lay down on the bed and just started to doze off for the night, or day.



Still in the making...but its a preview of whats to come ahead. i based what the charater feels about what i felt when my parents died. Yes my parents died when i was 6. i gotten over that a while ago and just dont give a care anymore. I got my revnge on the person that started the fire.
I copy right this story (for safey reasons. dont need people trying to take story).

Mhmm, this is very nice, silentwolf! ^_^ But if you want some constructive criticism, here it is...

• It was generally well written, though there were some grammatical mistakes, one could never find it easily unless they scan for it while reading the story since the pace of the story was fast, or least my eyes went fast as i kept reading, there was no way to stop but only to read faster and faster, though I sometimes slowed down to check for errors.
  
  
• Here, in the first chapter,

  Quote :

  The mystery man said "My name is John ....... I said "Well I would like to be called “Silentwolf” if that's alright with you?” What do you mean by training?!" My eyes widened. John said, "Well if you want revenge for your family’s death Silentwolf, you need to learn to fight correctly."

  I thought it better, that you should've written it how he reacted first before he said anything again. Something like this:
  

  Quote :

  "Well I would like to be called "Silentwolf", if that's alright with you?" Then my eyes widened as I thought "Wait! Training? What training?" "What do you mean by training!?

  
  
• But then as I read more and more later on, I realized that there really is too much "" 's in here. You don't have to do "" 's every time the same character talks, it just makes it more confusing. As I was reading through the second chapter, somewhere I got a bit confused and then read it a bit more slowly to finally get it and who said what and with that in mind, got through chapter 3 but that was only with the excessive "" 's considered.
  
  
• There were one more in between the first and second chapters that I had though of when I read hoping to remember it after I finished but I lost sigh of it now...But there's just overall small mistakes, that are more stylish then grammatical at this point.
  
  
• In the third chapter, 10th paragraph
  

  Quote :

  I sat at a table with the other kids. A few kids ...... The veggies tasted weird but food is food at this point.

  You might want to clean up this paragraph a bit, there was a bit of clashes between the thoughts and the actual dialogue itself, confusing at first but knowing how to differentiate was the real task.
  
  
• Third chapter fourth paragraph, the part of "Follow me", you missed out on closing the dialogue when he finished, lol
  

That's basically about all I remember, but I know there were a few more, their only easily seen if you clear these up first. Lol you asked for help

OH and another help, nearly forgot...It's that if you continue a dialogue on the same character, you can sometimes do it like this:
I said "well where do you think your going?
Come back inside."

That same dialogue by the same character doesn't warrant two more sets of "" 's since their by the same person but they do need a new line indent since the subject of the talk does change a bit. It changes every time it's different.


And secret organization, called M4H LOL hahaha

thx for the reply. the "" was the way i was tought as school. sorry i will fix that. I will change the wording that you mentioned. Will update on here later on. First need to fix the main draft lol.


P.S the secet organzation name might be SC xD. You will find out why later on.

Lol yea, cool I was just joking on that part too haha, but it doesn't have to be every duologue spoken has "" 's, only different character's dialogue is separated by "" 's or otherwise you could actually indent to the next line and continue on, or leave it on the same line, with some other hyphens, commas, etc. that represents that there's a pause there.

editing the "" 's in the story atm now. (currently at chapter 5 and chapter 4 not finish on editing... so going to be a day or 2 to get threw all of them)